by Kira » Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:53 pm
Making someone feel that they're important, and they count, and they are appreciated, is one of the biggest ways to do "Chessed" - G-dly kindness.
There's nothing wrong with pleasing others in that context.
Also, "kavod", honor and respect, is one of the basic needs of human beings. It is perfectly normal to expect to be treated with respect, and nothing wrong with feeling hurt if you're not.
Where "anava", humility, comes in is as follows: if you not only feel hurt, but feel angry, it is because you think that the world owes you honor. G-d should have arranged that you get honor! You deserve it! That is already a problem.
On the other hand, if someone treats you inappropriately, and you say, "oy, that hurts, and maybe I should check that I haven't done something to make that person angry? No? Oh, then it's not about me, perhaps they had a bad day, perhaps they are in pain, and they lashed out at me"
The Sages say that a person should have two notes, one in each pocket. The first should say, "the world was created for me". The second should say, "I am dust and ashes".
It'a a balance.
-Kira