Shabbat guest

Discussing what is the right thing to say, and the right way to act, in situations arising in a Torah environment.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby rivka » Tue May 25, 2010 6:29 pm

I believe you. :)

But as a hostess, all I could think was how EASY it would have been to very slightly tweak several dishes, had I known.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Kira » Wed May 26, 2010 8:02 pm

What she said.

And even if it weren't easy, it's still robbing us of a chance to make a proper meal for you. Also a chance to try out some new recipes.

<shudder>The stress of having someone at your table who can't eat what you prepared, and you had no idea </shudder>

I hope you don't do that any more. I hope you say something like, "oh, btw, I'm vegetarian, but I'm easily pleased; usually on Shabbat, I just eat cut-up vegetables". ;)

-Kira
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby rivka » Thu May 27, 2010 6:20 am

Kira wrote:And even if it weren't easy, it's still robbing us of a chance to make a proper meal for you. Also a chance to try out some new recipes.
Right. I have several vegetarian cookbooks, including some vegan ones.

Kira wrote:<shudder>The stress of having someone at your table who can't eat what you prepared, and you had no idea </shudder>
YES.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Kira » Thu May 27, 2010 2:30 pm

On a similar note: b"h we eat at our friends and family with no kashrus issues. But let's say one does, let's say one has some kind of very good reason why they won't eat a certain hechsher. What do you do? Do you not accept invitations in the first place? Say, I hope you don't mind but we eat meat from butcher X but not butcher Y? Pretend to only eat fish? Offer to bring your own? Don't eat things you think might be from the wrong hechsher?

As a hostess, if I have company that eats only some of the hechsherim that I buy, I make an effort to stick to them, but if for some reason I can't for some dish or another, I still serve the dish, but let them know that it's not their hechsher. Is that ok, or could it be interpreted as rudeness?

That's actually happening to me this Shabbat. We're having some yeshiva boys over who only eat badatz. I bought mehadrin meat, and also salami that is probably not mehadrin, that our other guests might enjoy. It should be ok to serve it and say, this is not mehadrin salami, eat the brisket, right?

-Kira
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby rivka » Thu May 27, 2010 4:56 pm

I would -- and have -- do that, yes.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Enora » Fri May 28, 2010 9:39 am

Yeah tell them the salami isn't mehadrin. Too bad for them lol. Seriously, no matter what you do or eat or how frum you are, there is always SOMEONE that won't eat your food. I figure if they're machmir with heschers, then they're probably used to not eating much anyways.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Sander » Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:40 am

In my opinion, one should definitely avoid giving flowers on shabbat. If the hostess arranged to invite you before shabbat, then you can bring the flowers before shabbat. If you had a last minute invitation arranged on Friday afternoon or even after shabbat started, then do not bring any gift at that time. Wait until after shabbat, and then during the week you can bring a gift or mail a thank you note.

So for example, if I was invited on a shabbat and felt particularly inclined to give flowers, I leave it until the next Thursday after the shabbat when I visited. There's no problem to give the flowers the Thursday after, with a little note saying "Thank you". Your hosts have the benefit of the flowers. Of course I am somewhat of a weasel, because delivering the flowers on Thursday is likely to get me another invitation.

Other gift ideas:
- a donation to charity. There are some charities in my area that will send a thank-you card on your behalf, if you make a modest donation.
- remember your host on purim, by delivering a gift of food, as is the practice on purim. You can make the gift as small or as elaborate as you like. A chocolate bar, a cupcake, ... or a bottle of wine.
- appropriate books, such as a bencher for birkat hamazon. There are some beautiful ones available in jewish bookstores. Books can get a bit expensive, but you don't have to give a gift every time. If you have visited several times of the course of a year, you might want to give a book. If you see your host has a shelf full of jewish books, that's a good sign that a book would be appreciated.
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Kira » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:11 am

I agree with everything (especially sending flowers for the next week, so sweet), except the gift of a benscher. That's the last thing I need, I've got benschers overflowing the drawer, and that's just from family and recent Simchas (b"h, not that I'm complaining!).

-Kira
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Enora » Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:06 pm

We still have birkonim from my husband's bar mitzvah :|
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Re: Shabbat guest

Postby Kira » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:20 pm

We have a birkon from the bar mitzvah of my husband's cousin who has the same name, and whose bar mitzvah was 2 years before our eldest son was born.

It floats among the other birkonim and confuses our company :evil:

-Kira
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